BBC Headline: Delta Chi fend off upstart Runners after penalties
Trashy Tabloid Headline: A CHOKE FOR THE AGES! RUNNERS TRIP AFTER STRONG START, DELTA CHI SURVIVES!
In a hard-fought contest at Martin Stadium, everyone learned that penalty kicks remain bad!
It was tense! It was fast and furious! There was good soccer and controversy! After 50 minutes of end-to-end action between the No. 14-seed Runners With No Chill and the undefeated No.3-seed Delta Chi Soccer, the score was deadlocked at 1-1, sending the game to a dramatic penalty shootout. Delta Chi survived an early miss to win 4-3 in the shootout, as Amit Mallik’s penalty sent them to the next round of the playoffs.
It was a rather gut-wrenching loss for NUTC FC, however. The Runners survived being down a player in the first ten minutes due to an ill-timed math exam, but came alive as soon as they received their full squad. A dominant stretch from NUTC FC (who started with the wind at their backs) produced dividends as centreback Clay Kauzlaric powered a shot past a diving Dan Waldman to put NUTC FC up 1-0 after the first 15 minutes. It was the first goal Delta Chi had conceded in 175 minutes of play.
For the first time all season, the undefeated Delta Chi squad looked in serious trouble. There was some arguing, but a strong halftime team talk reenergized them.
In the second half, NUTC FC continued to mount pressure, but a crucial second goal eluded the Runners. Meanwhile, Delta Chi upped their level of play, but their best chance came off a cross that ricocheted off Kauzlaric’s head and nearly resulted in an own goal. Then, Adam Forrest missed a sitter after a Delta Chi defensive mistake, and in a fashion that can only be described as “Spursy” (pre-2015), the Runners almost immediately conceded a very, very, very, very dumb goal that probably shouldn’t have counted. A Delta Chi attack fizzled out, but the ball was ruled to not have gone out of bounds (even though it kinda did go out of bounds) and for some reason, the Runners stopped playing before a whistle was called. That was dumb. Liz Schauer or Clay probably should’ve cleared it anyway. The wind drove the ball back into the area and somehow it ended up in the net. 1-1.
So the game was now tied, and everyone was progressively getting more tired. Tristan Jung hobbled off with calf cramps in both of his legs and Delta Chi had some minor injury issues of their own. However, conceding a goal took the wind out of NUTC’s sails, and there was little in the way of offense. The defense remained strong, however, and Delta Chi’s repeated forays into the area were parried.
The game went to two 5-minute sudden death overtime periods. Nothing really changed. While Delta Chi started dominating possession once again, they were unable to get a goal, despite the best efforts of Ben Pope of the Daily Northwestern, that really good 5-foot-7 kid who kept dribbling past me, some guy named Saul, Jason from my German 101 class, and others.
Then, the match went to everyone’s least favorite way to decide a match: penalty kicks. NUTC went first and had the advantage, and quickly went up 2-1. Then, Delta Chi had a penalty saved by Liz. NUTC easily converted to make it 3-1. Delta Chi scored to make it 3-2, but NUTC merely had to make the next two kicks to win. Cool Mike Ryzhov, nominal player-manager, stepped up. Unfortunately, he hit a poor penalty and it was saved by DC’s keeper Dan Waldman. Delta Chi leveled the score…
Then, no one knew who to take the next penalty for NUTC. For some reason, I waved off “The Sledgehammer” and went for it (shooters gotta shoot). Of course, I shanked my penalty off the post (eh, shooters still gotta shoot). Amit Mallik came up and calmly slotted the ball past Liz. NUTC FC’s season was over, just like that.
If one of the sports teams I rooted for lost a game like that, I would be very upset and think of some tweetstorm cursing the referees, Cool Mike, myself, and the referees again. But, as I walked off the field, I realized two things.
- lol it’s IM soccer
- Things happen. This was the most competitive and well-played team sport I’ve taken part in since I was 11, and I’m glad it happened.
No more tweetstorms!
That concludes a very fun series of articles here on Forget the Protocol dot com. I promise this feature will be back next year, if the track club creates a team again. Congrats to Delta Chi, and I hope they at least end up winning the whole thing and don’t concede a goal so we can say “at least we took the best team in the league to penalties and then missed the last two” (real England at Italia ’90 hours). I think they play AEPi the day after Dillo at 10 p.m. That’s an awful time for a soccer game. Good luck.
(last IM soccer note, did anyone see the No. 16 seed Hotdogs team upset the No. 1 seeds?)
Thanks to Cool Mike Ryzhov (#Mikeout) for suggesting the team and Nicky Hug for making sure I signed up for it. Thanks to Adam Forrest for waiting in line and getting the last possible timeslot at Patten. Thanks to Liz for being the best goalie ever (NOTE: we were still never losing when Liz was in goal at any point this season). Thanks to Bailey, Ryan and Clay for actually being quite good at defending, except for the 3-4 times they weren’t (I kid). Thanks to the Sledgehammer for ending the season as our leading goalscorer (3 goals). Thanks to Joe Draut for trying to run people over on the left side whenever he could. Thanks to Patrick Bohmer for telling me to get my head in the game on multiple occasions and for potentially joining for cross next year. Thanks to Adam for being double-jointed and playing the piano. Thanks to everyone else who played at some point this season and cared a little too much. .
No thanks to the referees. As Tucker Johnson says, “f*** the refs”. However, Tucker Johnson has never watched a match reffed by Mike Dean. He has no idea.
That’s about it. There’s always next year! Maybe we’ll put together an IM basketball/football team. Maybe.