A shortlist of Northwestern defensive coordinator candidates

Here is a list of contenders to replace fired defensive coordinator Jim O’Neil

• Kevin Sumlin

• Jim Leonhard

• Kenneth Branagh

• Former Secretary of Education Arne Duncan

• Chris Collins

• 18th century Corsican Nationalist Pasquale Paoli

• Wayne Rooney

• Air Bud

• Deuce McAllister

• Jurmph Harbaugh

• QuestLove

• Two Guys From Ernst & Young in a Horse Costume

• Ohio Toledoson

• Will Toledo

• Mitski

• The Ancient Greek demigod Bellerophon

• Chuy Garcia

• MechaHankwitz

• Joan Didion

• Willie Taggart

• Randy Bates

• Brandon “No Scope” Bates

• Jeff Brohm

• That Guy Who Has Been Saying “Fire Fitz” Since 2009

• Sheldon Adelson

• King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard

• David Foster Wallace

• Mithridates IV of Pontus

• Nikki Haley

• Nick Knacket

• Jason Petrino of SIU Carbondale

• Tokugawa Ieyasu

• Chick Hicks from the film Cars

• Karl von Habsburg, head of the House of Habsburg-Lothringen

• Jared Kelenic

• Johan Santana

• The Earl of Stratford

• the University of Akron Board of Regents

• Chris Collins (jailed edition)

• Jurgen Klinsmann

• Johnny Tremain

• Mike Kafka

• Wiehle Reston East

• The guy in charge of using Saudi oil money to build a city in the desert that’s a straight line

• Herm Edwards

• Guys from Ernst & Young dressed in Bleach cosplay, but this time they have a Powerpoint presentation

• Mick McCall