THE JON ROTHSTEIN ALMANAC: 2016-2017

Jon Rothstein is my favorite person. No one cares as much about anything as Jon Rothstein cares about college basketball. He has watched more basketball this week than I have watched in my life. He knows more about the NEC than anyone with a national byline should ever know, and it’s very cool. Some of […]

The Pseudo Dude Ranch

What you have to realize is that the world is a viciously empty place… On the Westgate River Ranch, the embodiment of a nowhere that can only be expressed in Florida, there is a walk-in chapel for vacationers hoping to momentarily exit the three-star resort/dude ranch/glamping site and make peace with the Holy Ghost. The […]

How not to run a marathon

The forces of systemic stupidity, like some demented pack of hounds chasing after a hunk of inexplicably mobile meat, refused to let me finish my marathon in peace. There were too many mistakes. In a race like the marathon, where, like the Challenger disaster, one mistake can mean the difference between success and a dreaded “did not finish”, the sheer vastness of my errors were coming back to haunt me.

If you recall, I was huddled at the 30km mark, desperately trying to inject life into my cramping body through Powerade, bananas, and water. I had not eaten enough food. I had not gotten enough sleep. I had not paced the race whatsoever. My legs were cramping, I had lost a large amount of useful minerals, and my mind was exhausted. But there was a silver lining. Well, more like a golden nugget that I had systematically panned from the depths of a river. I had finished three-quarters of the marathon. I had, by my estimation, less than an hour remaining.