UPDATE: Now, there are two of them! There is a jango50.com:
FOLKS THAT IS PURPLE JANGO FETT (OR ONE OF HIS MANY CLONES)!
After the greatness of Tyra Buss dot com, I received word that Northwestern has its own star athlete with a promotional website. I was intrigued.
Enter stage left, Jango Glackin, a Northwestern linebacker from Ohio who went to IMG Academy. He has a website. It does not compare to Tyrabuss.com. (Note: I have nothing against Jango Glackin the football player or person, or his dad. I hope he does well at Northwestern. However, this website…oh man…)
The first mistake was not registering the domain jangoglackin.com, which you can still buy right now!
Instead, the site is listed on jango20.net. This is problematic for several reasons. For one, how many people are named Jango Glackin in the United States? I would say exactly one. Instead, the website is jango20.net, which I assume he picked because his number in high school was 20. But the No. 20 on Northwestern is currently occupied by John Moten IV, so Jango is going to wear No. 50 next year. Big mistake. The #brand has been completely compromised. Also, a .net domain? Really? Get into the 2010s!
Next, despite its .net branding, the site is not quite as “Windows 2000-y” at Tyra Buss dot com, which is a tremendous shame. Instead, jango20.net has a more “modern feel”, until you realize that the only thing this web designer worked on was embedding YouTube videos. We’ve “progressed” to an awful shade of blue in the background and a gigantic embedded YouTube video. The background is just a default shade of blue. It’s even more primitive than TyraBuss.com.
It’s bad. The graphic design is bad. Tyra Buss dot com is easy to navigate. Someone with legitimate CSS experience designed Tyra Buss dot com. Jango 20 dot net looks…amateurish. You have to scroll horizontally on a laptop to see the whole website, which is already lame. Next, @ChitownBigCat?
I’m not joking, this is on the “Contact” page of the website.
these images, you picked that one. Okay.
After a page linking his stats, random pictures of him with more talented prospects at IMG, and another giant YouTube video of Jango jumproping, there’s this poem.
Yes, he just put this motivational poem with a blank background on the page. Ok. Why is this random poem relevant? Tyra Buss dot com, the gold standard, had a massive list of her actual accomplishments in every sport, because she is good at every sport. Jango has a motivtionals poem. That poem is followed by this:
I got a blank space babe, but your name isn’t there (I may have made a Taylor Swift reference in this article, but I’m a hipster, this is ironic and witty I swear).
Next, we go to the “commit” page. It is headlined by “ChitownBigCat signs NLI”. You are really, really trying to push that #brand on us. And…well…ok then. I wouldn’t tie my Twitter name to a University’s marketing scheme, but okay.
Next, I checked the about tab. These paragraphs are not anywhere near the literary genius of Tyra Buss dot com.
This is not a Forget the Protocol mistake. You can’t even read these paragraphs, because whomever coded this site has the left side cut off! It’s unreal. I can only assume that this paragraph states:
“I knew at the local YMCA that I was at an age that football was what I wanted, always gardening as I possibly could.”
Jango Glackin may strive to have a 4.0 GPA. However, he does not seem to enjoy capitalizing “GPA”. Also, the white on black HTML design on the left side is bad. The whole website is formatted with no regard for common sense.
I’d also like to highlight the capitalization of “Father”, a word that is usually not capitalized.
Who “designed” this website? Why would you need to bother with these cut off paragraphs? Space your photos and text properly please!
We have to talk about the photos.
His dad has the crazy eyes. Those are the eyes of someone who wants his son to play professional football. Alternatively, and not mutually exclusively, those are the eyes of someone who will stop at nothing to tell you Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior. Those are the eyes of ambition. You think that man (his father, I presume) would bother to proofread? No. Also there’s no doubt that G. Glackin is editing and managing this website.
Okay. Actually, I can see how the platitude-loving coaches of the world would enjoy this. Anyway, I hope Jango Glackin plays a big role for Northwestern in the future, as it lacks linebacker depth right now. However, this website is a testament to lazy web developing.
Don’t forget to call Tommy Langford!
I still can’t believe this is real.
We need a campaign to buy jangoglackin.com to improve his social media presence. We now move on to jango50.com.
Jango 50, the website, improves on one mistake of its predecessor. You no longer have to scroll horizontally to fully access information and it is formatted properly. On the other hand…
We have received another Twitter bird. Oh boy. Is G. Glackin one of the people who thinks that Twitter’s entire ethos is based around birds? G. Glackin’s avatar is definitely an egg, right?
All the photos on the homepage are amazing.
No, I did not take a screenshot accidentally, the photo just crops his head.
He’s doing the dab. Oy vey.
Another cropped forehead. Maybe Jango Glackin’s hair and eyes are a myth.
What have we learned from this experience? Absolutely nothing.