5 Limericks About the New York Mets

Warning, these limericks may contain objectionable language directed at a certain ex-Philly.

1. Eric Campbell Finds a Way

Eric Campbell always finds a way

To be in the lineup, on certain days

“Soup’s on” all the time!

As his hitting declines.

Eric Campbell, a player, hooray…

2. Michael Conforto

I’m so excited for Michael Conforto

He has all the tools and will play next to Yo

Said Collins, “don’t worry,

I’ll platoon in a hurry

If he can’t hit lefties for shit though.”

3. Infield Depth, But Still No Defense

I think the Mets might have infield depth

Walker, Flores, Cabrera, they’ve taken some steps

To ensure that ground balls

Will slip through or fall

But they can all hit so I’ll take the rest.

4. Noah Syndergaard

Sometimes, when I’m feeling down in the dumps

I think about Game 1, and taking my lumps

But then I remember

Thor can dismember

Any batter or lineup, he trumps

5. Fuck Chase Utley

Fuck Chase Utley, for now and forever.

His play was so bad they made a rule against him.

And since he seemingly broke the nebulous “baseball code”when trying to intentionally injure Ruben Tejada in a play that still boggles my mind,

I’m going to break the form of a limerick.

Because I can. Even if it just ain’t right.

So fuck Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins and the Phillies.

But what they did was actually kind of impressive considering Ruben Amaro Jr. thinks that sabermetrics=witchcraft,

And they did beat the Yankees once so good on you there. It’s sad to see another franchise that torpedoed itself through long-term deals to scumbags like Chase Utley, even if it is the Phillies.

So fuck that guy.

END POEM.

 

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